Official Announcement Regarding Recent Appointments to the Cabinet of Doctor Caligari

Pictured: Rt. Hon. Michael Gove MP seen leaving 10 Downing Street. Copyright © Reuters.

From the Prime Minister’s Office, 10 Downing Street, published 13th November 2023. His Majesty the King has been pleased to approve the following government appointments:

Esther McVey, Common Sense Tsar and Minister for Anti-Woke Policy

Lord Lee Anderson of the Pits, Paymaster to the State of Befuddlement Falling Just Short of Rage

Rt. Hon. Rishi Sunak MP, Prime Minister Without Portfolio, But With a Vague Air of Affability Unclouded by Remorse

Oliver Dowden, MP, Minister for the Moment When One Steps from Shadow to Sunlight on a Noisy, Polluted Street, and Weeps Copiously and for No Reason Except the Joyful Realisation that One is Alive

Mr Jacob Rees Mogg, Gentleman, Secretary for Faintly Amusing Whimsy

Greg Hands, Chief Secretary to the Department for the Troubling Sense That One’s Opponents Are Right

The Earl of Minto, jointly as Minister for the Tranquillity that Comes Unsought In the Final Moments of Meditation, and Minister for Defence

Victoria Atkins, jointly as Secretary of State for Health and Social Care, and Lady in Waitrose (Cabinet Office)

Michael Gove, Chief Secretary for the Austere Consolations of the Life of the Mind

Andrew Griffiths, Minister of State for Midnight Inspirations That Fade and Are Forgotten in the Moment of Waking

Damian Hinds, Minister for the Beauty at Dawn of a Vacant City Square

Fay Jones, Under-Secretary of State for the Sense of Purpose Which Inspires One’s Youth Yet Fades in the Light of Experience (Welsh Office)

Secretary for Culture and the Futility of All Human Endeavour — T. B. A.

Andrea Jenkyns, Treasurer to the Secretary for the Trenchant Rebuttal that Occurs a Day Too Late

Steve Barclay, Secretary of State for Waking Up at 4am in a Panic For Which One Cannot Remember the Cause

Lord David Cameron des Temps Perdus, Minister of Regret at the Road Not Taken

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